Sunday, January 24, 2010
My Past Entry
Ok, this was the entry that I had written a few days ago. I was a little emo and conflicted, and so I wrote this in one hour during office hours.
The feelings in this entry still kinda mirrors what I am feeling right now, although not so intense.
Oh well, here is the past entry.
===================================
Some people know that I had given the Citibank people a hard time when I was applying for their credit cards. I don’t understand their insistence on certain terms, and they were quite inflexible in their policies. If it is not because of certain other reasons, I would probably rattle/ snip their heads off.
This leads me to thinking about flexibility in life. Am I too inflexible? Sometimes I just wonder, should I just settle for something that is good enough? Maybe in more ways than one, I SHOULD settle. However, I just couldn’t. I want something more than that.
The thing is, chasing a dream is not easy. I am not sure whether I should really start from somewhere that is lowly, just so that I can get to where I want to be in the future. If I truly want to start lowly, it takes a lot of sacrifice from me. Not just that I don’t want to take that sacrifice, but I can’t. I got other things that I need to consider. I just can’t plunge into something like that.
Sigh, this leads me thinking that chasing a dream is for the rich and for those who do not have much baggage in life. I want to do it when I am still young, but frankly it is impossible. So back to the first question, should I just settle?
Or maybe, I am just aiming for something way too high, way out of my reach.
Or maybe, I am just risk averse. I am afraid to take the plunge. But all humans are risk averse, isn’t it so?
Shit, now just found out something in which I don’t know what to do. Jo had told me not to feel bad, because what I am doing is for myself and I am not wrong. But still, I couldn’t help but feel bad. Jo asked me whether it will change my plans, but I won’t. I know I won’t, because I need to do this in order to benefit myself, and again, one step closer to my dream.
Frankly, I am really lost at what to do. I am still searching for something, but what I am not sure. Maybe a sign or something that leads me somewhere so that I know how to take it from there.
What should I do?
Somehow today, when I was on a train to work today, I suddenly remember what XY said about me on friendster. (many many years ago….) Ok, I don’t remember the exact words, but he said that I am someone who refused to conform to the norms, but conforms to them all the same. I am gradually feeling like I am what he describe, conforming to norms because I have no choice. And the way he describes me is exactly how I feel right now. CONFUSED.
I hate being backed into a corner and force me to do things that I don’t want just to get out of a situation. Generally, I just hate being left with no choice when I want to have a choice. So the question now is, should I conform or not?
Sigh, life is complicated and conflicted.
Anyway, recently someone said that I am quite cynical. I feel that basically, I am cynical, skeptical and critical. All the ‘cal’s. Haha.
Cheerios.
================================
The feelings in this entry still kinda mirrors what I am feeling right now, although not so intense.
Oh well, here is the past entry.
===================================
Some people know that I had given the Citibank people a hard time when I was applying for their credit cards. I don’t understand their insistence on certain terms, and they were quite inflexible in their policies. If it is not because of certain other reasons, I would probably rattle/ snip their heads off.
This leads me to thinking about flexibility in life. Am I too inflexible? Sometimes I just wonder, should I just settle for something that is good enough? Maybe in more ways than one, I SHOULD settle. However, I just couldn’t. I want something more than that.
The thing is, chasing a dream is not easy. I am not sure whether I should really start from somewhere that is lowly, just so that I can get to where I want to be in the future. If I truly want to start lowly, it takes a lot of sacrifice from me. Not just that I don’t want to take that sacrifice, but I can’t. I got other things that I need to consider. I just can’t plunge into something like that.
Sigh, this leads me thinking that chasing a dream is for the rich and for those who do not have much baggage in life. I want to do it when I am still young, but frankly it is impossible. So back to the first question, should I just settle?
Or maybe, I am just aiming for something way too high, way out of my reach.
Or maybe, I am just risk averse. I am afraid to take the plunge. But all humans are risk averse, isn’t it so?
Shit, now just found out something in which I don’t know what to do. Jo had told me not to feel bad, because what I am doing is for myself and I am not wrong. But still, I couldn’t help but feel bad. Jo asked me whether it will change my plans, but I won’t. I know I won’t, because I need to do this in order to benefit myself, and again, one step closer to my dream.
Frankly, I am really lost at what to do. I am still searching for something, but what I am not sure. Maybe a sign or something that leads me somewhere so that I know how to take it from there.
What should I do?
Somehow today, when I was on a train to work today, I suddenly remember what XY said about me on friendster. (many many years ago….) Ok, I don’t remember the exact words, but he said that I am someone who refused to conform to the norms, but conforms to them all the same. I am gradually feeling like I am what he describe, conforming to norms because I have no choice. And the way he describes me is exactly how I feel right now. CONFUSED.
I hate being backed into a corner and force me to do things that I don’t want just to get out of a situation. Generally, I just hate being left with no choice when I want to have a choice. So the question now is, should I conform or not?
Sigh, life is complicated and conflicted.
Anyway, recently someone said that I am quite cynical. I feel that basically, I am cynical, skeptical and critical. All the ‘cal’s. Haha.
Cheerios.
================================
No kickboxing for at least one week
I went to see a chinse sin seh for a nagging knee pain today. It is not a big pain, but it hurts when I am at gym, esp in classes. Turn out that some parts of my backbone is a little 'out' and he helped me to 'push' it in place . My nagging neck pain was part of the reason for my knee pain as well. He has also 'push' my neck in as well.
I know it sounds kinda awful, esp for those people who are extremely screamish when it comes to cracking bones. I am one of those people who cannot stand the sound of cracking bones, esp those people who have a habit of cracking their necks. But I am kinda relieved. I am so worried that I developed a knee problem from all the running and kickboxing I did. At least it is not something worse.
But I am having some ache in my neck and back now, which is normal. The sin seh told me to stay off kickboxing (kb) for a week, and see him in 2 weeks time if I still have pain. Did not ask him whether I can do step workout, which is essentially about working out thighs and calves, but I think I will also stay off for one week.
Sigh, I really wish it is not something serious, because I don't want to develop a knee problem. I still want to do kb and running....
Went for a personally and leadership development course ytday, when essentially you need to do a test before the course and they will assess the personality to see what kind a person/ leader you are. Haha, got quite interesting results actually...
Btw, I took leave before CNY, mainly because
1. I want to help my mum for last min CNY preparations
2. I want to go to Prataman's KB class on thurs afternoon. Haha, Prataman is a nickname for my kb instructor. Less people will be there on that day because it is during office hours and so should be better. The past few times were too cramped for my liking...
3. I want to do a nice mani and pedi. Booked my slot for friday le...
4. Rest!
Haha, got ulterior motive for taking that 2 days leave.
Anyway, I did a post on thurs in office but I did not log on to blogger to do so because I was afraid that colleagues in office know that I have a blog and will bug me to give them the url, which I don't want to. Can access this only in my old laptop, because the work-from-home system cannot work on Win7. Will place it here tml.
Cheerios xoxo.
I know it sounds kinda awful, esp for those people who are extremely screamish when it comes to cracking bones. I am one of those people who cannot stand the sound of cracking bones, esp those people who have a habit of cracking their necks. But I am kinda relieved. I am so worried that I developed a knee problem from all the running and kickboxing I did. At least it is not something worse.
But I am having some ache in my neck and back now, which is normal. The sin seh told me to stay off kickboxing (kb) for a week, and see him in 2 weeks time if I still have pain. Did not ask him whether I can do step workout, which is essentially about working out thighs and calves, but I think I will also stay off for one week.
Sigh, I really wish it is not something serious, because I don't want to develop a knee problem. I still want to do kb and running....
Went for a personally and leadership development course ytday, when essentially you need to do a test before the course and they will assess the personality to see what kind a person/ leader you are. Haha, got quite interesting results actually...
Btw, I took leave before CNY, mainly because
1. I want to help my mum for last min CNY preparations
2. I want to go to Prataman's KB class on thurs afternoon. Haha, Prataman is a nickname for my kb instructor. Less people will be there on that day because it is during office hours and so should be better. The past few times were too cramped for my liking...
3. I want to do a nice mani and pedi. Booked my slot for friday le...
4. Rest!
Haha, got ulterior motive for taking that 2 days leave.
Anyway, I did a post on thurs in office but I did not log on to blogger to do so because I was afraid that colleagues in office know that I have a blog and will bug me to give them the url, which I don't want to. Can access this only in my old laptop, because the work-from-home system cannot work on Win7. Will place it here tml.
Cheerios xoxo.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Feeling damn stupid and wasted today. Damn it.
Cannot help but keep scolding myself.
I am an idiot.
Cannot help but keep scolding myself.
I am an idiot.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Gathering
Finally met up with Uni friends! Have fun talking about anything, and teasing Ivan for eating so slow like a woman =)
As usual, I was late (woke up late, skipped gym along the way. with reasons, but still quite upset about it because I missed my usual kickboxing class). But good thing that I was late, or else I would never know that Wei Chuan called him Daniel Chua! Haha!
Ok, most pictures are (I think) in Carisse's camera. Shall wait for her to upload the photos. Just upload some of the photos I have here. Btw, got a lot of ugly pictures, so I shall spare some people's agony and not put them here =)
Girls grp photo.... the big grp photo is with Carisse...
A picture of Mr Daniel Chua...
Our gifts for gift exchange! Mine is the one in pink flower wrapper! I bought espirit mugs and yingqi got it!
My gift! I 'snatched' this from Carisse and this is from Mr Daniel Chua! Can tell it is damn last minutes but it is what I need most!
$20 bucks! Can get either sports bra, sport pants, knee guard, gym bag, sport tank top... as you can see, I planned to buy a lot of sports things.. haha! Thanks Mr Chua!
Went Yingqi's house to play games later... forced her to lock up her dog because I will run away if there is one near me. Not many pictures, just one with Linda's BF dealing cards for us playing Bluff. Haha, Ivan and Carisse suffered the most....Next outing is (I think) during CNY. Oh well, if we are playing mahjong, I will need Cindy darling's help again!
Suddenly just some random note, during all my lunches with Linda, she actually shed some truth to some of the things I was confused about. Things I was out of the loop for because I wasn't in most of their finance classes because I was in my marketing classes. Oh well, some questions answered, and I was feeling quite relieved about it. Actually, this realisation happened a long time ago, so a bit lag when I am talking about it now.... haha..
**Linda sure going to ask me what am I talking about on tues.... haha! I shall be prepared! **
Since I am uploading photos, I might as well upload my loots and my new laptop!
My laptop is purple! Yeah!It is running on Win7 now, and it has been great so far. Sometimes it gives me problems and I am not sure what is going on... worse of all is that my access to my work email is not compatible to Win 7 so I am still using my old slow laptop for work purposes. Also, I need to get speakers because the laptop speakers is softer than my old one. Maybe can get one after my gym on sat...
Haha, as I told some people, I spent $300++ on this load of skincare. There is a 20% discount at Clarins, combined with the normal Isetan's 10% rebate vouchers promotion. I really save quite a bit here. Missed my IE outing for this, and the gang is giving me grief about it. Oh well, money is damn hard to earn, and if that takes me to miss an outing to save some money, I will do it. Let's hope that they can understand and be generous about it since I seldom missed the outings...
Ok, these 2 weekends I managed to rent Vicky Cristina Barcelona (VCB) and Revolutionary Road (RR) dvds to watch. RR touched me more than VCB. It is saying what normal people would face, an opportunity to throw everything behind and find something you like or to live in a society conformity that you are either okay with or hating it. The problems are so real, it is like echoing everyone's thoughts. How many of us are living the confined way that is taught by the society? How many of us are holding an office job (like that Leo did in the movie) just because the society's norms said so?
As I said, sometimes due to our circumstances (eg housing loans, family commitments, kids), we are struck. We see people who are stuck at all the time. Either that, we see people who take the easy way out.
I think my point is that, if you are really happy with your life now, really happy about it, you should be grateful. So many people can't be happy (or try to pursue their happiness) because they are stuck. As for me, I am alright with what I have now. Definitely could do better, and when I have the opportunity to do better, I will =)
Alright, enough of heavy talk, Just damn sian that the next public holiday is CNY. Gonna take a few days before CNY because 1. I can help my mum with the preparations 2. I need a break. Maybe taking 2.5 days, and even can squeeze in a gym session or so.
And with this CNY, I am 24! Shit! I am really getting old sia!
Oh yeah, one more resolutions for me. I shall clean up my room more often! My room is really messy!
And next week, most of my tv shows are coming back! Yeah!
Cheerios.
Friday, January 01, 2010
2010 is here!
Happy New Year everyone!
Hope everyone has a great year ahead =)
Cheerios!
Hope everyone has a great year ahead =)
Cheerios!
