Thurs: Full day class with presentation and movie after class
Fri: 1 day work then IE outing
Sat: Possibly tuition
Sun: Pampering myself day!!

Wah my this week is totally full... no wonder I am so tired.

But makes me stop thinking for a while.

Except for the fact that I really don't like the vi*tn*m*se men... hate working with them in projects.

Good luck to my market research =(

Cheerios.

I felt something. But what exactly is that is a big question.

I learnt many things which, maybe, gives me a slightest sense of happiness. And by learning things, I don't mean school work.

I pondered about this for so long. Being so engrossed, I almost missed alighting at my bus stop till I saw many people getting off. Yes, that engross. And I was even wondering whether I actually got off the right stop when I alighted from the bus. And I was mechanically walking to the MRT station without even thinking where I was walking (yes, this proves that after 2.5 years in school, this routine has become a subconscious effort.)

I can't pinpoint. I don't know how I feel. I don't even know how I should feel.

It wasn't exactly courage that I plucked up when I did it. I honestly swear, it was just a thing to do.

Shit. What the hell have I gotten myself into?

I can't guess what they all are thinking. Same ocassions, different companions. Extreme feelings stirred inside me.

Perhaps I myself is to blame. Perhaps I should have given a chance to the parties involved, especially me. But I can't get past the inital stage at all.

I wondered, what is the impression I have given? What is it? And somehow I felt that others can see it better than I am, even though I myself don't know what is it.

What do people thought of me? I never really care what others thought of me for a long time. I mean, if I cared about it, I wouldn't do half the crazy things I did now. What am I? Am I attractive? Am I beautiful? Do I have a kind heart? Am I smart? Is there something good about me? Why do people like me? What do I have that others don't have?

I really don't know.

I just wish I know more...

*****************************
My aunt is coming to Singapore with Baby Lucas on 14 feb. Valentine's Day. I know what she's thinking, and I think I know what my other relatives are thinking. Yes, I am freaking single and I am proud of it.

Sometimes, I wonder why is it so. Why am I proud of it? Is it because I am not ready for commitment? Is it because I am not ready to be hurt? Or is it because I am so convinced that no one will like me that I am so blind to see there is someone?

I have no answers. I know for sure that, I am afraid. But what the hell was I afraid of, I have no idea.

I used to say that Linda has a dramatic life. But now come to think of it, I have a worse life sia. I don't even know half the things that is happening in my life.

Why why why why why don't I have answers?

I have been running away a lot lately. Last week fiasco was a result of a lot of years unhappinessness bursting out as one. This week's pondering is because of a lack of courage. RUNNING AWAY A LOT.

I am not ready. I simply am not ready. For a hell lot of things.

I shouldn't have turned 21 at all. I should be 12 years old.

LOL... I realised that I sounded like a desperato, like screaming out loud to everyone in the blogger world that I need a man. But I don't think it is. It's just me suddenly thinking about my life and wondering.

Don't start like suggesting boyfriends to me pls.... =)

ROGER FEDERER IS FINALLY HUMAN!!!

Oh well. That matter has come to a close. The ending wasn't the one I wanted, wasn't the one that is fair. And yes, I wasn't happy and had a hard time taking it down. But I had expected it and so it wasn't as hurtful. But it is hard to swollow that bite.

I just can't pretend the matter didn't happen, because it did. I know I am making her feel bad about it, which maybe I shouldn't, but I don't have the ability to to pretend nothing has happened. I am not ready for it.

And I can't quite get over the fact that I was allowed to be talked to like that and no words came from u.

There are other friends who I did not expect the concern from to be concerned about me, in which I was grateful. I guess in this matter, my expectations went entirely wrong. One did not live up to expectations, while others whom I never harbour much expectations UNEXPECTEDLY exceed them. I have gained many insights out of this and realised that I have many friends who love me more than I thought, which is a blessing in disguise.

Watched 27 dresses on thurs with Jul. First Movie of the Year. It was quite good actually, esp watching Katharine Heigl was fun. Haha... and James was quite funny too. Can be a good watch, esp if you are looking for light hearted movies.

This and next month are the Oscars movies month (in which we don't even know whether Oscars will happen anot), so there are tons of movies to put on the "Must Watch List". I wanted to watch:

1. Atonement
2. Sweeney Todd
3. Juno
4. Elizabeth: The Golden Age
5. I'm Not There (this is esp impt because there is Heath Ledger starring too...)
6. Michael Clayton (Maybe?)
7. There will be Blood
8. P.S. I Love You

So u can guess how much money will have to be spent here... =)

Went back to school today for Asian Market presentation even though it's my free day. Ended in the morning. Was waiting for shuttle bus when I saw Aleks walking across the carpark heading to Biz. LOL... he wasn't exactly walking. I saw him sort of.... bouncing a little... in his steps. LOL. Called out to him and he gave me a hug before we started talking. Rah, he is still pretty much the same lah... sometimes u just want to shake him and scream in his ears. And yeah, he is still always taking cabs despite the increase in cab fares...

And he is taking Chinese 1!!! Hahahaha... He left this on my facebook wall " wo you yi ge zhong wen xi!" which for some reasons left me roaring in laughter...

Looking back, last sem seems to be more fun than this sem actually. Though there were many more unhappy times then, there were many more fun times as well. With Christina singing "Gimme Gimme more", Freda and her emo, me and Irene dissing about Track (you know who lah Irene) and many others, it finally struck me that time really passes very fast.

And I really realise that I really like consumer behaviour studies and I like many of the communication tactics from it... maybe this is an indicator as to what career path I should focus on...

And recently I realise that I have many lunch/coffee/ dinner dates to fulfill... there's David's, Xiao Yang's (he is going to kill me if he sees me calling him xiao yang again) and Jeslyn's, who recently just dropped me a fantastic news. Happy for u gal! So far only fulfiled Mei Xing... =( I simply owe too many people dates le... Scared I will have to owe past Chinese New Year (欠过年)。。。

Ok, I am like digressing so much now. I betta go.

Cheerios. xoxo

He is one of my favourite actors, even though not many people know about it.

I like him since 10 Things I Hate About You, granted that I don't follow his movies that often. I like him when he was looking like this.



One of the main reasons for me wanting to watch Brokeback so badly when I couldn't at that time was him.

This is going to come out sounding wrong, but he has this brooding look with a drawl in his voice that makes him so attractive as a man. The way he tried to break his mould as a pretty boy was incredible...

But he's 28... way too young to die like this.

This is the first time I am truly saddened by a death of a celebrity.



Heath! RIP...

JUL!!! I don't care, we must watch Batman: The Dark Knight this year ok? Releasing in summer 2008... I know I will want to watch this show but I wanted more to watch now...

Ok, I know not many people are interested in this story as much as I do. But I can be considered as a certified Hollywood Ba Gua Newspress because I follow the english scene. And I really have trouble believing that he is dead. Look at the recent celeb deaths in US. Anna Nicole Smith, Chris Benoit... definite deaths of troubled people. But Heath??!! I am sorry, it's just too sudden.

And I don't believe that he committed suicide either.

Makes me think that how often we always ask ourselves why, but we never have the answer. How people behave in different situations and their reactions.... what makes them do so?

Why?

** I dread the day whereby I have to be faced with the truth, or being laid with the truth. But only truth can be the answer to the many whys we ask ourselves everyday...**

The matter that I was talking about has turn a bout worse... I don't know how to solve this problem at all. Of course, if I totally compromise, everyone else except me will be happy. Does this seems right? Does this seems, as I said a lot these days, fair? Is this what it should be?

This makes me wonder, should I hold my ground for the first time? I normally will take a step back because I always think that I am the one who makes the matters worse, but then again, maybe it is time to place faith in myself and believe that I should stand up for myself, as what Irene always did.

I wish I had never grown up, because being a grown up means unnecessary troubles, which eats up my mind, soul and time.

Sometimes I look at other people's blogs and wonder, when can I ever write like them. They sound intelligent and mature in their blogs. Compared to them, my blog sound immature and superficial. It makes me wonder, whether I had totally missed the big picture many a times. With this issue, whether I had been totally immature.

Sighz. This issue has been on mind constantly...

And to make matters worse, my favourite tennis player ANDY RODDICK IS OUT OF AUSTRALIA OPEN.... at third round somemore. I missed this match because I was busy with installing my new printer software and setting it up. And busy brooding over my issues. And also I thought that at third round, he has no problem of getting through the match and I shall see him play again. But nnnnnnnnooooooo.... he is out! Not his fault though because he served 42 aces (42!!! Who serves 42 aces in a match!!! Career best sia) and had (I think) 3 double faults but apparently the opponent had 104 winners... Ah.... have to wait till French open before seeing him play in a grand slam again...

But then again, Federer (a world no 1 player) had to play to the fifth set today (the sun really has risen from the west today), playing for 4 1/2 hr to beat a 49th ranked player (!!! The only time I saw him playing to 5 sets was opposide Nadal). This is always fun. To watch Federer being HUMAN and not SUPERPLAYER for a match... and Lleyton Hewitt win a great match (I think there are 9 deuces at 4th set) 4.30am Aust time (apparently the latest at a grand slam event) was awesome.

Ok, I will be supporting Justine Henin!! I like her playing style a lot... and to a certain extent, supporting Maria Sharapova and Jelena Jankovic as well =)

Ok, I am boring a LOT of people who do not follow tennis. Or don't know tennis teminology.

Well, on a happy note, I finally bought a new printer. Because my mum hoped that I can buy one with a fax machine, I bought a all-in-one with fax at $188. Bought back the same brand as my previous printer, which is brother because it is still the cheapest out of many brands. I also extended my warranty so it turned out to be $200+. Sighz.... I have to pay for it myself. But the printer was very heavy!! Thank goodness Yun Ting was with me to help me. I was even thinking of taking a bus home with it I realised that it is simply impossible!!

But Yun Ting kept telling me that I should buy a laser printer.... I know it's better but at the moment I need colour and black printing and I can't afford to buy 2 now...


**The picture is not my actual model but it's close...**

And there is one matter that, if goes my way, will make me really happy. But there's another matter that makes me a little confused and don't know what to do if it further develops... Sighz

And I heard this song again today on MTVsea. This song always touches me, because of the lyrics and how close it is descibing my thoughts at times. I am sure it also describes some of u girls' thoughts too...

Saving Jane - Girl Next Door
Small town homecoming queen
She's the star in this scene
Theres no way to deny she's lovely
Perfect skin perfect hair
Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside shes ugly

Maybe I'm just jealous
I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk I'm sleepin on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door

Senior class president
She must be heaven sent
She was never the last one standing
A backseat debutaunt
Everything that you want
Never to harsh or too demanding

Maybe I'll admit it
I'm a little bitter
Everybody loves her but I just wanna hit her

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands
She gets the top bunk I'm sleepin on the floor
She's Miss America and I'm just the girl next door

Oh and I'm just the girl next door

I don't know why I'm feelin sorry for myself
I spend all my time wishin that I was someone else

She is the prom queen I'm in the marching band
She is a cheerleader I'm sittin in the stands
I get A little bit she gets a little more
She's Miss America and... she's Miss America
I'm just the girl next door...

The girl next door is always neglected at work, at school, in love, in everywhere. Who notices the girl next door? The girl without the perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect body but with character as good as the perfect girl?

NO ONE.

Oh well. Sometimes I wish the world is just not so complicated =(

I wanna give a big thanks to the following right now:

1. Angeline
2. Hui Teng
3. Cheyenne
4. Magdalene
5. Yun Ting
6. Yann Liang (Xiao Yann jie mei)
7. Ying Ying darling

Thanks for trying to cheer me up and making me like I still have friends in the world who cares for me deeply. Thanks for trying to make me see things the other way. I needed that.

And Hui Teng darling, suddenly I feel so much closer to u after today. U are my best IE mate ever and it will stay that way =)

Thanks for Yun Ting and Yann Liang for not asking me at all what's the problem and still try to put smiles on my face...

Thanks to u guys for making me feel like I worthed a cent. And not invisible to u.

I have stopped crying now because of u guys.

=)

I am really upset, really upset, really upset.

I am having a big argument with someone. I tried my hardest not to, but it happened. It has to happened.

I have learnt a few things from Irene ever since we took the same modules last sem.

But Irene, please, don't ask me what's going on ok? I don't wan to talk about it. If u want to help me, cheer me up or something. Just don't ask. Please.

I just thought that given our friendship, you might try to make things right for me. Be fair to me. Because if things are the other way round, I will do it for you. I can promise you I will. But you are not. It's heartbreaking to see how you try to explain yourself but not attempting to help me. I am not saying your previous efforts are not noticed, but I thought it would be more. It hurts me to see that you doubt the last 8/9 years, because all I have done was to be a friend to you. I am hoping that u will be a friend to me this time and help me.

But it's not happening. I don't believe that u are not trying. But I don't know what to think, because all I can think of is, I know u can help me with my request but it's not happening.

I am extremely hurt by this. I think u are feeling the same too, but without this "arguement" we are not going to get past this stage. Or else, u might think that I am fine but don't know that I am hurting inside. I don't think I can do it this time.

All I can think of now this, should I tell this to jul?

I am crying over this. I know, I teared up when the biz policy fiasco happened. I teared up when I am watching Pride and Prejudice. I teared up when I was watching Ghost Whisperer. I even teared up when my mum scolded me for something I didn't do. But I haven't teared up for something like this ever since.... sec2? When we haven't grown up.

Tears only happen when someone close to you hurts u badly.

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I know we can get past this phase of friendship, but right now I don't know what to do. Tell me what should I do?

I feel like a fifth wheel. An extra. Invisible.

What should I do?

I feel so lost right now.

Tell me what should I do?

I am not strong enough for this.

Tell me what to do?

U tell me what should I do?

Lord please tell me...

Someone please tell me...

Tell me...

Help me...

I really really think I am having a bad bad bad bad week...

My printer died on me again. AFTER I SENT IT FOR REPAIR 1 MONTH AGO. I really got nothing to say because this is so ridiculous. If I know such thing will happen, I won't even get it repaired and buy a new one!!! Arh... waste my time and the taxi fare of going to and fro from beach road... I am so mad right now because my lecture notes are like printed halfway... have to go to sch early tml to print notes...

And I have to get a new one... argh!! I am already broke! And like soon!!

And the buyers that have contacted me this sem for next books are so..... It's irritating for what these people can do. I will be extremely glad when I sold my textbooks.. Linda has similar complaints about this issue too.

And I am having another pimple outbreak again.... it's irritating!! Not only those blemishes from my 'influenza period' havent subsided, I am having new pimples popping from those blemishes!!

What is happening to me??

And so tml is my second day of school. And first lesson tml: Investment Analysis... When I see the course outline, I was like "What the hell have I gotten myself into?" Wah, the topics scares me. Security, risk.... it seems many donkey years ago when I was dealing with such stuff. Nowadays, it is more of brand equity rather than shareholders' equity. More of branding, brand name, customers' satisfaction and their needs and wants rather... shit I dunno whether I can get through that module anot. Pray hard sia...

And, I am having a 2 days school week.... so I am looking for ways to earn money. I know I sure need to go back to school for projects and stuff (because I am taking 4 biz mods only but 3 of them are marketing mods and the last one is IA, so u can imagine) but having a 2 days week for me makes me feel like I am still in hols...

So people, if u have any part time lobangs or tuitions, call me ok? I really really need money cos I am broke!!

This 'money' obsession is really unhlealthy. It makes my Grasshopper and Aaron Kwok obsession looks healthy....

Ok, I betta go. Am watching 东方之珠 on crunchyroll in canto to forget about my troubled life right now... And 郭晋安 is really cute! He is my fave TVB actor!! Along with 罗家良 who is so extremely shuai...

Cheerios...

I am so sick of bidding and waiting and watching the bid points... argh... so go youtube for a while...

Hahaha... I found a video of my favourite 草蜢 singing hokkien!! At first I didn't recognise it but after a while I thought the song doesn't sound canto but hokkien!! Hahaha... they did not do too badly and the song was quite nice =)

It's 草蜢 - 有緣來做伙

Then I continue to search and found this very cute video of them... they were wearing big specs and having all their hair slick back.... it's super funny...

It's 草蜢-站出來 and the song is in chinese =)

And then i continue searching and found 2 videos of them performing in Singapore variety shows many many freaking years ago!!! And they looked so cute back then...

Then I realise something. How come there is a '8' sign and a "Mediacorp" watermark on the top right hand corner? I dun think Mediacorp was formed at that point of time because my guess is these videos were from 1990 - 1991... so it's a little strange to me =)

Oh well, there are more videos but I shall post next time.

Cheerios! Ciaos!!

These few days were packed with activities and so I shall like the photos do the talking... Photos from New Year Eve... I have a lot of fun playing Risk... And we countdowned at T3 whereby there is no one around!!! Hahaha...

2007 has just passed.

How do I feel about it?

2007 had been a bumpy year for me. I have gotten sick way too many times, and many other things have not been going smooth for me. Projects crisis, modules crisis, big and little crisis. It hasn't been a smooth sailing year.

The best thing that happened would probably be getting that IE internship and making so many friends along the way, which is something that I would never have thought of. Meeting ur counterparts and working together and keeping in contact till today... it is something that is precious. There are many other good things as well, such as my own 21st and discovering, again, that my parents loves me so much to the point that it makes me cry at times.

So new year resolutions for 2008.

1. Build up my immune system so that I won't get sick so easily.
2. Be more hardworking!!! I want to get my first A in NUS!!
3. Spend more time with my parents. I owe them.
4. GET TO HONG KONG AND TRAVEL IN JUNE/ JULY!! Which leads to the next point...
5. Save money!! And spend less.

I guess that is it.

My first day of 2008 is very ..... unique. Missed the countdown, countdown by ourselves, playng Risk for 4 hours in the airport. Reached home at 7.45am feeling damn damn DAMN SHAGGED.

Photos soon.

Cheerios.