Thursday, December 15, 2005
I AM TRULY UTTERLY PISSED AND MAD(YOU KNOW WHY)with edits...
In case you haven notice this picture and my title of today's entry, I am pissed. So I am going to be mean!! But I'll leave the names out. I know I shouldn't talk about it, but I'm going mad....!!!!~
I dun even noe where to start. It seems a silly matter to be angry and pissed about, but if you think about it, all events have underlying meanings. There is a reason behind whatever happened. Ok, firstly there was this movie thing with a few of them on friday night. I went out today(thursday) and was queueing in the cinema complex, thinking maybe I can buy the tickets today and get good seats. Guess what? I sms them when I was in the queue and found out that it was cancelled. Great!!! I am the last one to find out!!! It seems like they have planned it like a few days ago!!! I came this close ( [-] ) to reach the front of the ticket counter. I have to leave and the damn person looked at me strangely!!!! Goodness!!! And the best thing is, I am the one who sort of suggest this movie thing and I do not know anything. I normally dun "take credit" in who came up with the idea or what but this is a different matter. And they discussed without me. I am even more mad when one of them msg me "we decided that..." bla bla bla. We??? WE???? WE!!!!!??? What the hell!!!Since when there is a 'we'??? There is no "we" when you people left me of the discussion!!! I can't say anything about it huh!!!??? Too late huh?? What the hell!!! And if I did not sms all of them, I suspect I'll be waiting in front of the damn complex tml evening, clutching the tickets in my hands, and waiting for them in vain. I did all the damn work~~~!!! For goodness sake, have the courtesy to tell me in advance and let me have a damn say!!!! Worst of all, "we feel that we will meet in ____ when everyone is present" (it is somewhere along those lines, I can't remember the exact words used and I deleted the msg). There will not be "everyone present" if you spontaneously planned an outing of 5 like this within a week. Expect everyone to turn up when everyone else is so busy with other outings and work??? Come on, there is only 1 who can't appear as far as I am concerned. As long as we informed her that we are going along as usual, the outing can still be as follow!!! What the hell is wrong??!!! And you know everyone is free later this hols?? One of you are free, two of you are free, three of you are free....and the list goes on. Fine~!!! Did you ever ask whether I AM FREE?? Never. So what will happen the next time huh??? Go on as usual or am I so important that you will cancel as well, like this time???
I know I am babbling nonsense. I am childish. It's just politics. What the hell. What the heck. If I dun talk, dun speak up, dun what the hell, I would surely burst!!! I want to be selfish for one day, one moment and that is not a lot to ask for. I know, I would come to regret all of what I have said now but I can't care anymore. I am bursting. I also know that there is a risk of them reading all these. But what the heck. You people need to know how I feel.
Am I so not important that I am the last to find out about this? I know there will always be someone who is the last to find out, but when I am doing some work and organsation, is it fair to me? Do I even matter to you?? When you started discussing, did you ever think about me? Do you realise that there is a ME?? I am upset because you people never thought about me for 1 second, never thought about me for 1 nanosecond, never thought about me for 1 ultra-nanosecond.
In case you can't figure it out, I am not angry about the cancellation. I am angry because you people did not ask for opinions and went your way, the way you, and you, AND YOU like it. It is to me that I was never involved in the group, never belonged to the group, never wanted in the group. But I am not expecting a miracle, not expecting a apology.
Anyway, I should be able to get over this soon. I never was angry for long, never bear grudges for long. I forgives easily, for I know that forgives is the greatest virtue yet known to mankind. That is the difference between an animal and a human (and I want to be a human). But now I am truly pissed. And though I forgive easily (usually), I normally remember the grudges( not feeling angry about them though)...
There is nothing to 'cheerios' about.