Monday, June 25, 2007
I have the right to be
Frustruation.
Why does it have to be so hard? It's so troublesome, so tiring, so tedious. We are new to it, and yet we are in a big ocean trying to swim our way through among. It's no wonder we got lost among all the fishes.
Should we have called for help? Perhaps we should. At least maybe things won't have turned out that way. But how to call for help when we are afraid calling out loud lure the sharks to our way?
Should we have been more 'on the job'? Perhaps we should. But how much more should be 'on it'? Or maybe it is just a level of expectation that is too high to be reached by us/me.
ENVY
The other evil force in life. One thing that should not be invented among all the sins eg lust, pride, greed, anger....
I looked around me, and I started to wonder, why am I not like them? Why is it that people can travel all over the world, but I am tied with responsibilities right here in Singapore?
Why is it that people can live a better life than me?
Why is it that some people are born in a richer family than me?
Why is it that some people can chase their dreams, while I have to keep my feet firmly on the ground, knowing that because of who I am and what I have to do, I can't chase them?
Why is it that some people can let go of their heart easily, but I still guard mine so fiercely?
Today the new guy told me something that brought me right up to the sky and down crashing to the earth at the same time. As much as I envy, I realised that I am not as lucky and could never be.
I feel around me, and I wondered, why am I not as lucky as them? Why are things not happening to me?
Should I be actively seeking them instead?
Longing
Realised a long time ago that I wish to spread my wings and fly out of here, out of my life, out of Singapore.
Sorry, I am being very anti-govt. But in my heart, I somehow know that my life doesn't lies in here. My second life of my life should be lying somewhere elsewhere. It is somewhere out there for me. But with all the things (ie responsibilities) here in Singapore, am I able to leave?
But one thing for sure, if I am able to, I will grab the first chance that enables me to fulfill my longing.
I am just in a moody/thoughtful/ depressing/ life-assessing/ saddening mood.
Don't worry, I am normally happy and content with my life. I have parents who absolutely dotes me, spoils me and have never put any pressure on me. I have many friends who I know I can count on when I am in trouble... and these are the friends that I foresee will accompany throughout my lifetime. I am not starving, not in poverty, not crippled, not entirely stupid. I am already fortunate in a way. Yet today is one of the days that I wish my life has something more, something different...
**********************
Anyway, Linda went to HK already this morning, and I wondered how she's doing. Haha... Nic and Weiwei almost died on their first day in Korea so I was wondering how she's coping.. Haha.. not that I don't have the confidence in her but I was thinking she may be dying there on her first day too..
Anyway, I have a shopping list for myself.
1. New camera
2. New mp3 player
3. HK trip
Save save save save... it's the motto for me this second half of the year...
Why does it have to be so hard? It's so troublesome, so tiring, so tedious. We are new to it, and yet we are in a big ocean trying to swim our way through among. It's no wonder we got lost among all the fishes.
Should we have called for help? Perhaps we should. At least maybe things won't have turned out that way. But how to call for help when we are afraid calling out loud lure the sharks to our way?
Should we have been more 'on the job'? Perhaps we should. But how much more should be 'on it'? Or maybe it is just a level of expectation that is too high to be reached by us/me.
ENVY
The other evil force in life. One thing that should not be invented among all the sins eg lust, pride, greed, anger....
I looked around me, and I started to wonder, why am I not like them? Why is it that people can travel all over the world, but I am tied with responsibilities right here in Singapore?
Why is it that people can live a better life than me?
Why is it that some people are born in a richer family than me?
Why is it that some people can chase their dreams, while I have to keep my feet firmly on the ground, knowing that because of who I am and what I have to do, I can't chase them?
Why is it that some people can let go of their heart easily, but I still guard mine so fiercely?
Today the new guy told me something that brought me right up to the sky and down crashing to the earth at the same time. As much as I envy, I realised that I am not as lucky and could never be.
I feel around me, and I wondered, why am I not as lucky as them? Why are things not happening to me?
Should I be actively seeking them instead?
Longing
Realised a long time ago that I wish to spread my wings and fly out of here, out of my life, out of Singapore.
Sorry, I am being very anti-govt. But in my heart, I somehow know that my life doesn't lies in here. My second life of my life should be lying somewhere elsewhere. It is somewhere out there for me. But with all the things (ie responsibilities) here in Singapore, am I able to leave?
But one thing for sure, if I am able to, I will grab the first chance that enables me to fulfill my longing.
I am just in a moody/thoughtful/ depressing/ life-assessing/ saddening mood.
Don't worry, I am normally happy and content with my life. I have parents who absolutely dotes me, spoils me and have never put any pressure on me. I have many friends who I know I can count on when I am in trouble... and these are the friends that I foresee will accompany throughout my lifetime. I am not starving, not in poverty, not crippled, not entirely stupid. I am already fortunate in a way. Yet today is one of the days that I wish my life has something more, something different...
**********************
Anyway, Linda went to HK already this morning, and I wondered how she's doing. Haha... Nic and Weiwei almost died on their first day in Korea so I was wondering how she's coping.. Haha.. not that I don't have the confidence in her but I was thinking she may be dying there on her first day too..
Anyway, I have a shopping list for myself.
1. New camera
2. New mp3 player
3. HK trip
Save save save save... it's the motto for me this second half of the year...
He is the only one who is either keeping me sane or insane all the time... Sighz...
And this song is worsening my mood right now but it's a damn nice song la... Yi Jie wrote it and I love the lyrics... lOL... It's called 失乐园 (Shi Le Yuan)
Cheerios. My life is utterly miserable right now...
