Monday, September 07, 2009
I know I badly need to update my blog, but I just lack of mood these days.
I am having a damn boring life. Basically, the whole of Aug is all about work work work. UAT in the company is enough to kill me, not to mention this is the period of time my dept dread for because of income filing... It's horrible. Imagine signing documents for approval for the WHOLE DAY. I think the record was about 400, and that was because we were rushing for a system deadline.
And on top of that, all the 'masters' around... sigh
I am a little lost about my life these days. What do I really want to do? What is my next step? What is next in store for me? I am really confused these days, and I wanted answers. Da jie brought me to see a feng shui master for my 8 characters, and it kinda shed some light on my life, what to do, what I should do, though I know fully well that I am and should not trust what the master said fully. Take it at a pinch of salt, I would say. But it does help to ease my confusion a little.
Sometimes, I think I am a little too hard on myself. The master did say that I have high expectations of many things, which I think it is partly true. Some things I can let go, but some I can't. Basically, I think I have the highest expectations of myself. I hate it when I know that I did not do my best, did not perform my best or I made a stupid mistakes. With the huge amount of work this month, I made a lot more mistakes than usual. It makes me hate myself more, asking myself with more questions. I sometimes think that I wonder too much, and I think that is a bad thing because it is messing with my head. I need to start learning to take things easy and stop putting stress on myself, or else I would end up having high blood pressure before my head is full of grey hair.
These days, I am just waiting for the bomb to drop. Literally and figuratively. Literally because I have a lot of things pending my boss' review and she hasn't done so and the deadline for the big boss is looming. I know there will be a pile of work after she reviewed whatever I have done. Figuratively because I really feel like I am wandering along my life, not knowing what am I doing except passing on days at a time. I NEED a bomb to drop figuratively. If it doesn't, I will need to look for it soon.
Sometimes, I thought about letting my good buddies in my dept to have the url of my blog, to let them understand that I am ...deeper than they thought. I know too many people think that I am childish with impossible hopes about life and doesn't think much deeper than that. But I always thought of myself as an onion. You need to shed many layers to get to the core. But then again, I withheld back. Nothing will come out good if you let colleagues too much into your personal life.
Ok, enough about my wonderings. Let's talk about the other aspects of my life.
Celebrated Jul's and Zoe's birthday. Aug is typically the month I go broke because of these 2 people. I hope they have fun during their birthdays, even though I think I wasn't a good company to them because I am really tired from my work. Took half day off on one of the fridays (because I really cannot stand the shit) and went out with Da Jie. I really envious of her sometimes. She kinda have a grip of her life, but I don't.
Have pictures, but lazy to blog.
Am obsessed with Sally's Spa and Sally's Salon on my colleague's iphone. I am comtemplating to buy the PC version to play because I always went to play my colleague's phone after lunch to cure my obsession.
Am obsessed with Twilight books (I want to be a vampire to be with Edward Cullen) and now moving on to The Time Traveller's Wife. Saw the movie version last fri (and Coco Before Chanel on Sat) but I am just going to read it. Nothing beats a good book.
Sigh, hated myself that I am always lack of money. Wanted to buy books books and more books. Am waiting for payday again.
Back to TV. Cheerios.
I am having a damn boring life. Basically, the whole of Aug is all about work work work. UAT in the company is enough to kill me, not to mention this is the period of time my dept dread for because of income filing... It's horrible. Imagine signing documents for approval for the WHOLE DAY. I think the record was about 400, and that was because we were rushing for a system deadline.
And on top of that, all the 'masters' around... sigh
I am a little lost about my life these days. What do I really want to do? What is my next step? What is next in store for me? I am really confused these days, and I wanted answers. Da jie brought me to see a feng shui master for my 8 characters, and it kinda shed some light on my life, what to do, what I should do, though I know fully well that I am and should not trust what the master said fully. Take it at a pinch of salt, I would say. But it does help to ease my confusion a little.
Sometimes, I think I am a little too hard on myself. The master did say that I have high expectations of many things, which I think it is partly true. Some things I can let go, but some I can't. Basically, I think I have the highest expectations of myself. I hate it when I know that I did not do my best, did not perform my best or I made a stupid mistakes. With the huge amount of work this month, I made a lot more mistakes than usual. It makes me hate myself more, asking myself with more questions. I sometimes think that I wonder too much, and I think that is a bad thing because it is messing with my head. I need to start learning to take things easy and stop putting stress on myself, or else I would end up having high blood pressure before my head is full of grey hair.
These days, I am just waiting for the bomb to drop. Literally and figuratively. Literally because I have a lot of things pending my boss' review and she hasn't done so and the deadline for the big boss is looming. I know there will be a pile of work after she reviewed whatever I have done. Figuratively because I really feel like I am wandering along my life, not knowing what am I doing except passing on days at a time. I NEED a bomb to drop figuratively. If it doesn't, I will need to look for it soon.
Sometimes, I thought about letting my good buddies in my dept to have the url of my blog, to let them understand that I am ...deeper than they thought. I know too many people think that I am childish with impossible hopes about life and doesn't think much deeper than that. But I always thought of myself as an onion. You need to shed many layers to get to the core. But then again, I withheld back. Nothing will come out good if you let colleagues too much into your personal life.
Ok, enough about my wonderings. Let's talk about the other aspects of my life.
Celebrated Jul's and Zoe's birthday. Aug is typically the month I go broke because of these 2 people. I hope they have fun during their birthdays, even though I think I wasn't a good company to them because I am really tired from my work. Took half day off on one of the fridays (because I really cannot stand the shit) and went out with Da Jie. I really envious of her sometimes. She kinda have a grip of her life, but I don't.
Have pictures, but lazy to blog.
Am obsessed with Sally's Spa and Sally's Salon on my colleague's iphone. I am comtemplating to buy the PC version to play because I always went to play my colleague's phone after lunch to cure my obsession.
Am obsessed with Twilight books (I want to be a vampire to be with Edward Cullen) and now moving on to The Time Traveller's Wife. Saw the movie version last fri (and Coco Before Chanel on Sat) but I am just going to read it. Nothing beats a good book.
Sigh, hated myself that I am always lack of money. Wanted to buy books books and more books. Am waiting for payday again.
Back to TV. Cheerios.
