I am not so intelligent.

I am single.

I am tied down with responsibilities.

I am not born with a silver spoon.

When all these stands alone, it doesn't sound so bad.

But when all these are put together, it does make my life a tact depressing.

Don't get me wrong. I am fine with being single, not so intelligent, not dirty-rich and with responsibilities. It makes me feel somewhat powerful and important because I am able to deal with responsibilities without being clever and without anyone helping me. But still, sometimes a person has a right to think otherwise.

I just sent Yiwen off, like a couple of hours ago. She's off to Sweden with my sec school cum guide friend Aya!! As I was on my way home, I thought, it almost could have been me with them. Yiwen and I were talking about SEP briefly but she was the one who went ahead with it. I couldn't.

Truth to be said, as much as I can be in love with this little island, I am tired of staying in Singapore. I am not asking for a vacation but rather a long term stay in other countries. I need a new life. I dreamt about studying in overseas universities. In US, UK... I dreamt about working in other countries since I was 13. In Hong Kong, in Japan. In recent years, even in Shanghai or Beijing. In London, in New York, in LA. I wanna work in these countries for at least 2 years.

But when I looked around, I saw my family. My parents getting on with age. And I realised that, as much as I want to be selfish and chase my dreams, I can't leave them behind. I am worried about them.

I never told them about my dreams. I know that if I ever put a word to my mum, she will let me go. She will try all ways to let me have my dreams. But I can't go. It is not like I have any siblings that I can trust to take care of them.

And this is the moment I realised that, I am tied down with responsibilities at home.

SEP could have been a great chance for me to leave them without much worry. But without the silver spoon in my mouth, I can't go either.

My hands are really tied behind my back.

And at this point in time, I realised that, despite all my childish acts and faces and masks I put on in public, I have finally grown up. I am no longer thinking about myself but rather the big picture.

I looked at people around me. People leaving for Canada, US, Sweden, France, Beijing. Yada Yada... People who came back aboard with stories. I realised that how life can make jokes of people.

I hold on to the belief that life is always fair. People gained something, but they will lose something. Perhaps with all these 'sacrifices' I made now will in turn exchange into something in my later life. Without this belief, I don't know whether I can ever forgive myself with all the sacrifices I made today.

This is one of the few very honest posts I have put on my blog...

I have to apologise to Rostina. I didn't really make conversations with her on our way home because I was thinking about all these.

It's been 6 years since I last sat on a plane. I think maybe if I can, I shall go overseas for a vacation. Siew Lian and I wanna go HK for christmas and New Year... we shall see whether this dream of ours can be fulfill.

That trip is not the only thing I need to save up. I need to buy the following:

• Ipod video
• New digi cam
• Black pointy heels for presentations
• Another blazer and skirt combo
• My Grasshopper Cao Meng cap (I decided on the yellow one)
• A new big branded watch

I am so screwed.... And Joce, Eleen, Nicole and our dear Ryan Huang asked me not to think about buying the Grasshopper's cap cos it's too expensive with all the other fees... but Irene knows me best. She said I won't rest till I got it. =)

Anyway, I am addicted to another Grasshopper's song. It's called 二人世界(World of Our Own). It's damn sweet lahz. Love it.

二人世界(In Cantonese)

彷彿聽過 誰的家中
床邊遠望是純白鋼琴
遼闊的天地難容納兩個人
幸福半生

只須跟你 情深得很
留些距離來凝望你眼神
無分細或大長或窄有情人
無論再擠迫都可以相親

＊最美的戀愛是情
和最暖的一次熱吻
不留痕從來不留痕
隨心所至隨時地誕生

世界很細 你我很細
有愛的空間卻並未見底
能愛你一世 如佔有一切
如欠缺你即使有多少呎多少個家
多浪費＊

天空海闊 藏於心中
成千上萬誰能做偉人
完美的生活是能令你變成
幸福女人 (才是滿分)

不須家裡 如海般深
能安放無窮無盡個鋼琴
仍須渴望著壯畔聽眼前人
移近說早安的親切聲音 REPEAT ＊

家即使多細
有了你深不見底
離開家中一切
欠缺你這地球多闊落都會浪費

二人世界 (In Chinese)

打開CALL機 寸步不離
就怕遺漏了你任何訊息
我要你每分每秒都能感覺 我的關心
翻開日記 自言自語
字裡行間的話題都是你
愛上你的笑 你的淚 你的唇 你的發
和你說話的聲音

△ 每晚反覆的溫習
你的吻和你的呼吸
一遍遍 一遍又一遍
就算失眠也覺得甜蜜
你睡了嗎 夢到我嗎
夢裡的我和白天一樣嗎
我拿起電話 又輕輕放下
怕不小心把你吵醒會把你的夢打斷

曾經幻想有一個家
有日出有夕陽靠近海灘
可是卻只有女主人的模樣
無法想像（有點遺憾）
夢幻拼圖 加上了你
才能拼出完整美麗的圖案
當清晨醒來有陽光 有音樂
有溫暖 還有你做的早餐
repeat △

有你在身旁
彷彿已經身在天堂
做什麼都可以
既然已在天堂做什麼又有何妨（有何妨）

This is the lyrics. Can see the lyrics in the video.

Better concentrate on the match now. Cya guys ard.

Cheerios.

**Shit this post and the damn song kept making me feel like crying..