Friday, December 15, 2006
I've been taking all the shit
My nick has that phrase for a long time. As u can tell, I am feeling pretty shitty today.
I've been warned by a friend that it's not nice to talk about my grieves and sorrows or injustice on my blog. She would rather me to tell her in person. How do u tell a person that whatever I was feeling is not able to be directed to 1 person actually? The purpose of me not telling her the whole story is that I don't want her to feel that it's her fault. It was never her fault in the beginning. I feel that maybe talking on my blog will spare the person involved some embarrassment.
Still, I am going to be unclear in my entry.
I am just sick and tired. I don't understand. This is not exactly how I am feeling but it's the best that I can put in words. I actually have no idea how to put what I'm feeling in words. I am not asking for anything. I am just asking for someone to remember me and how I am feeling whenever something was planned.
Am I considered too selfish to want to protect my own feelings?
Maybe I am. I have been shady and horrible again. And I know. I shall try not to the next time.
Forget it. None of u guys are reading this anyway.
But sometimes I couldn't help but wonder, is someone missing me right now? Am I important to anyone? Do u want to tell me ur joy, ur sorrow or whatever u are feeling right now with me? Do u want me share ur pain and joy? Am I remembered? Am I loved? Are my friends really there for me as me or just someone who is has crossed their lives? Will someone remember me when I leave their lives? Or am I just someone so small that no one will notice me even if I am gone for a long time?
I doubt myself all the time. I doubt my abilities, my brains, my personality, my choices in life, my life, my intelligence (if I have any). I doubt my life.
As said, I have been taking all the shit.
And I shall continue to take it.
Signing out.
I've been warned by a friend that it's not nice to talk about my grieves and sorrows or injustice on my blog. She would rather me to tell her in person. How do u tell a person that whatever I was feeling is not able to be directed to 1 person actually? The purpose of me not telling her the whole story is that I don't want her to feel that it's her fault. It was never her fault in the beginning. I feel that maybe talking on my blog will spare the person involved some embarrassment.
Still, I am going to be unclear in my entry.
I am just sick and tired. I don't understand. This is not exactly how I am feeling but it's the best that I can put in words. I actually have no idea how to put what I'm feeling in words. I am not asking for anything. I am just asking for someone to remember me and how I am feeling whenever something was planned.
Am I considered too selfish to want to protect my own feelings?
Maybe I am. I have been shady and horrible again. And I know. I shall try not to the next time.
Forget it. None of u guys are reading this anyway.
But sometimes I couldn't help but wonder, is someone missing me right now? Am I important to anyone? Do u want to tell me ur joy, ur sorrow or whatever u are feeling right now with me? Do u want me share ur pain and joy? Am I remembered? Am I loved? Are my friends really there for me as me or just someone who is has crossed their lives? Will someone remember me when I leave their lives? Or am I just someone so small that no one will notice me even if I am gone for a long time?
I doubt myself all the time. I doubt my abilities, my brains, my personality, my choices in life, my life, my intelligence (if I have any). I doubt my life.
As said, I have been taking all the shit.
And I shall continue to take it.
Signing out.
P.S. Thank goodness that my mum brought me out for shopping and bought a lot of stuff for me. Or else I would have been feeling horrible the whole day...
Picture taken from http://www.gapingvoid.com/
